Secret in the Kiss
by LoveLinds
Summary: Its 2006 and Rae is back in Lincolnshire for the first time in four years. She's hoping to win back the love of her life and all while trying to help her best friend plan her wedding. Rated M for some mature material in Chapter four.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Its 2006 and Rae is back in Lincolnshire for the first time in six years. She's trying to fix all the problems she ran away from six years earlier and hopefully win back the love of her life. All while trying to plan her best friends wedding.

**Chapter One**

She had been back in Lincolnshire for one week and was ready to pack her bags and run for the hills. Her mother and Karim were driving her bonkers and if her mum wasn't recovering from a mild heart attack and would make her feel like worthless twat she'd get a hotel room for the remainder of her stay.

Rae placed the headphones in her ears and turned the music up on her cd player to drown out the chatter of her mother and Karim doing things she didn't want or need to hear. Some things never changed. She opened up her laptop to check her emails.

She tried to block out the thought of her aging mother having a shag with her husband (who, lets face it, Rae is surprised they've been married for ten years now) and tried to work on her next book. Her editor had sent her several emails that Rae usually ignored, telling her they needed at least the first three chapters by the end of next week to say on course.

She was going through a bit of a rough patch at the moments which was ironic considering the book she was suppose to be writing was a self help book on how to stop hating your body and love the one you've got. And she felt like a fucking fake considering she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror without wanting to break it into several pieces.

Closing her laptop, Rae pulled out her mobile phone to see if anyone had called her. The only person that knew she was back home other then her mother was Archie and he was still in London livin' it up, surely enjoying their flat all to himself. She hadn't even told Chloe.

Archie had become her best mate when she was released from the hospital six years ago and when her first book was bought and she decided she needed a change of pace (or a place that didn't reminder her of him) she asked Archie to move with her. He agreed, as being gay was a lot more accepted in the city. They both seemed to be loving life.

She had seven missed calls, four from her editor Hannah, one from Archie and one from Chloe and Izzy. It was safe to assume they knew she was back in town. Izzy's voicemail was an airy 'I missed you, heard you were in town and I must see ya!' Whilst Chloe's voicemail was short and to the point: 'meet me at the Chippy. I need to see ya.'

Rae sat there for several seconds and let her mind absorb everything. Her relationship with Chloe had been rocky since she moved to London nearly six years ago. This was the first time they had talked in about a year.

_**December 24, 2002**_

She sat around all of her friend at the pub, Christmas music was blasting through the tightly packed area. She had given up smoking and right now breathing in the beautifully delicious aroma was like torture. She tried to focus on her friends, and how great her life was right now.

She was out of the hospital, again, was graduating from Uni in June and ready to start her life as an adult. She had great friends and she supposed her mum and Karim werent getting on her nerves too badly. Too bad she didn't have the one person she needed the most.

It was her fault though, for pushing him away. She didn't have anyone else to blame but herself for why he wasn't siting around the table with the rest of them enjoying the Christmas music and ale.

After being at the pub for almost an hour she finally caved and turned to Archie to ask him where Finn was. She was proud of herself for her willpower to wait that long before asking about him.

Archie ignored her gaze as he took another gulp from his Christmas ale before answering her. "Dunno." he says quietly. Rae can tell hes lying. Archie wasn't very good at lying and when he decided to not be truthful you could always tell.

"Archie!" Rae demands in a quiet but demanding voice. One of my many qualities she tells herself sarcastically, is being a bit of a bossy pants.

"Rae, did ya really think he'd come?" Archie finally turns to look at her and Rae was grateful for the loud chatter and music so no one could hear their private conversation.

"I dunno, kinda. I thought maybe he'd miss me or somethin'." Rae says quietly. She couldn't think of him not wanting to see her. He was all she thought about, for months, about trying to make things better. But Kester swore before she could fix their relationship she had to fix the relationship she had with herself.

"Yea he did...he probably still does a bit. But Rae you broke his heart. He was a mess after ya left." Archie looked sad as he was telling her all this. Rae knew Archie and her had grown increasingly close in the last five plus years they've known one another. He was still in the closet about his sexuality and even had a girlfriend for a bit. Only she knew of his secret.

Yet she also knew that Archie and Finn have been best mates since they were kids and if anyone knew Finn as well as Rae does, or did, it was Archie. And what he was telling her tore her up inside.

"Its not like I left on some kind of vacation, Archie! I was sick and I needed help." Rae says.

"I know! We all were there for you Rae. We all fuckin' love you to bits. Without you who knows if we'd all still be mates. He wanted to be there for you because you were his girl and you broke up with him. You wouldn't let him come see ya or call ya..." His voice trailed off and he couldn't keep her gaze.

She felt like shit. "I didn't think I was good enough for him." Rae says quietly. "I thought he deserved someone with less issues." She never told anyone about all her issues, only Finn and Chloe knew how bad she had really been.

"Well that's your first mistake. He was mad about you." Archie pinched her nose, trying to make her smile.

His words echoed in her head for the remainder of the night, and after several pints and a few drags on a cig she decided what she had to do.

Grabbing her coat she stood and had to steady herself, her head feeling the effects of the liquor. She hadn't drank alcohol in such a long time it went straight to her head.

"Headin' home?" Izzy asked. Her adorable red head was rested on Chops shoulders and Rae had to reminder herself to give Izzy a nice long hug when she didn't have other pressing issues to attend to.

"Nope!" Shoving her arms awkwardly in her jacket, Rae almost sang her response. "I'm goin' ta see Finn! And Imma tell him that I love him and that I am a royal twat and need him back!"

She awaited their cheers at her elated news but instead a look of concern was shared between the four of them. She made of had a few too many but she wasn't completely zonked. "What?" She asked.

Chloe spoke first. Her hair was curled and highlighted almost all blonde. She looked stunning under the soft Christmas lighting. "I really don't think thats a good idea, Rae."

She placed her hands on her hips and glared at them. They were hiding something from her. "And why not?"

"There's a reason he ain't here with us, right? He doesn't wanna see ya." Chloe said gently. Izzy and chop looked anywhere but her and Archie seemed too busy messing with his watch.

"I don't care..I need ta see him. I need to talk ta him...tell him how I feel." Rae wrapped her scarf around her neck and grabbed her car keys from her bag. "I have ta see him."

She headed for the door and right before she made it to her car she heard foot steps from behind her. She turned to find Chloe running after her. She pulled her hood up from the rain, and Rae noted it actually wasn't cold for being winter. It was actually pretty alright.

"I'm coming with ya." Was all she said as she opened the passenger door and got in. Rae didn't say anything as she got behind the wheel and headed toward his house.

Excitement bubbled inside her and she tried not to over think things. Archie had said it, Finn was crazy about her. And if he was crazy about her all those months ago then his feelings couldn't have changed. He probably didn't come to the pub tonight because he thought she didn't want to see him.

He had told he loved her countless times before she entered herself in the hospital, and love just can't go away. Not the kind of love he felt for her. When he would look at her and tell her he loved her, she knew he meant it. That ind of love just couldn't go away.

Chloe didn't say anything, just kept playing with her new mobile phone. Rae was okay with the silence, she didn't want Chloe to say anything to ruin the mood. Her eyes were a bit blurred as she was driving and was grateful no one was out of the road. She really shouldn't have driven, but she wasn't that drunk.. just tipsy.

She pulled in front of his house and turned to look at Chloe. "How do I look?"

"Amazing." Chloe reached her hand over and placed it on Rae's knee. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? You've had a bit much ta drink..I think you should just call him."

"No. I need to see him. Tell him this face to face." Before Chloe could say anything else Rae got out of the car and made her way up the steps and to his front door. Oh God, she thought, Im going to see him for the first time in months. Just relax Rae she told herself. Don't say anything stupid. This is Finn. Finn! You know him, all of him, better then anyone else. Just breathe.

Before she could knock on the door it swung open and Rae held her breath as the person would occupied all of her thoughts and dreams stood in front of her. He looked just as he had the last time she saw him which was pretty fucking good looking.

She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing seemed to come out. So here she was half drunk and with her mouth open like a fish.

"Whatdya doin here Rae?" he asks. His voice. Oh God! It sounded so good to her ears. She wished she could go back in time and kick her own ass for ever letting him go. For thinking she was never going to be good enough for him. He loved her, thats all she needed or wanted.

"I came to see ya." She finally managed to get out.

"Why?"

Why? She didn't know what to say to that. What could she say, that she was a fool and needed him in her life? "Because I love you, Finn." She could feel this wasn't turning out the way she had hoped it would. Behind her she heard Chloe getting out of the car and walking up behind her.

He opened his mouth to say something but someone said something behind him that diverted his attention. Rae wondered if it was his mum, his mum loved her.

Rae could feel her heart pounding in her ears and she felt like everything was closing around her. This was not how she had thought this would turn out. She had thought he would open his arms and engulf her in a hug, what he had always done after they had had a bit of a row. That he would invite her inside and make her a cuppa and they would finally talk. Then they would fall asleep on his bed holding hands and he would tell her everything would be alright. Just as he had done so many times before. She needed Finn.

"Who is she! And why is she telling MY boyfriend she loves him!" Came the voice behind him and before Finn could do anything a small girl pushed her way under his arm that he had propped himself on the doorway and stood in front of him.

She was pretty, that was Rae's first thought. Everything she had been so insecure about for years while she was dating Finn. The reason she had gone from just binging to also purging so she wouldn't gain anymore weight. She was about a bit taller then Chloe and had dark black hair and dark brown eyes. Angry eyes. "Who are you?" Rae asked the angry girl.

"I'm Finn's girlfriend. Who are ya and why are ya showing up tellin' my boyfriend ya love him?"

Rae couldn't even look at the girl. With her head spinning she tripped a bit and Finn reached out to steady her. This could not be happening.

"Rae, you alright?" Finn asks her. She didn't say anything as she ran to the bush in front of his house and threw up all the Christmas ale she had drank. All this to the disgusted sounds of Finn's perfect new girlfriend.

_**Present day. June 9th 2006.**_

Rae walked through the doors of the Chippy and found Chloe sitting in the back booth texting someone on her mobile. She looked up jumped from her seat and wrapped her arms around Rae. "Haven't see ya in forever! You look great." Chloe said happily.

Rae smiled but knew Chloe was just trying to be nice. She was back on a healthy diet and has maintained her weight at 14 ½ stone. She couldn't say she wasn't displeased with her appearance but it was far cry from perfect. They sat down and only ordered a cup tea and exchanged small pleasantries before Rae finally asked her what she needed to talk about.

"Firstly, thanks for telling me you were back in town," she says with sarcasm. "I had to hear it from Karim when I bumped into him his morning."

Damn that Karim and his need to learn the english language Rae thought to herself. "Sorry. My mum has been sick so I wasn't really thinking of getting in touch with everyone."

"Right, how is she?" Chloe asks and Rae tells her its nothing too serious that the doctor has told her she just needs to cut back on all the cigs and lose a few pounds and try and lead a more healthier lifestyle. Hasn't been easy dealing with her though.

Rae was happy they were getting on so well. She missed her friend. She thought back to that night when she had drunkenly went to Finns house and found out he was dating Ellie. How Chloe had driven a crying Rae home and laid with her in her small twin bed and told her how much she loved her.

"Guess what Rae!' Chloe's exited voice brings her back from her thoughts and from the past. "I'm getting married!" She all but screams and shows of the huge diamond ring on her left hand.

"Oh my GOD!" Rae gushes excitedly as she takes her friends hand and examines the ring. It wasn't flashy just a nicely cut diamond on a simple white gold band.

"I just love him, Rae. And I know we haven't known each other long. I need my best mate to help me plan my wedding." She gushes and Rae is for once feeling close to her oldest friend.

"Of Course!" Rae says with a laugh. "Who is he?"

"Patrick, Finn's brother."

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I hope you guys liked it. Sorry it was so long. I'm not only going to have this story be about Finn and Rae but also Chloe and Rae, because as you guys haven't noticed their relationship isn't where it use to be. Please review they make me happy. :-)


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the reviews and favorites. It really makes me happy that you guys like it. I hope you like this chapter.

**Chapter two**

Rae holds the glass of champagne and sits at the table in the far back, trying not to drink it quickly as she would like to. She didn't really know anyone in the large sized room, and her nerves were getting the best of her. Chop and Izzy had yet to arrive but Izzy was seven months pregnant and they already had twin boys at home who were only three. She laughed and always joked she moved a bit slower these days.

Archie had ditched her when they arrived at the country club, finding a good looking bloke serving behind the bar. "My gaydar is top notch, Rae." He whispered cheekily in her ear. "You'll know where to find me." She had just laughed and let him be. No one in Lincolnshire knew he was gay and not many people in London did either. He liked to keep business and pleasure separate as he always said with a half laughter.

Chloe's mum and dad were throwing their daughter and soon to be son in law an engagement party at the Horncastle Country club and Rae knew it was only a matter of time before Finn showed up. She made it a point not to let Chloe talk to her about Finn too much. All Rae knew was he was going to be there. If he had a plus one was still up in the air. "He didn't even RSVP." Chloe had said annoyingly as they had sat at her house going through the invites.

"Maybe he didn't feel like he needed to send one because he is the grooms brother." Izzy offered optimistically.

"Well I'm not sure if hes coming or not, and what if he brings his girlfriend. I need ta know how many people ta feed." As soon as shes done speaking she looks up at Rae. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Its alright. We've been done for so long now..." Rae looked down and didn't see the look her friends gave one another. A look that said they were concerned for their friend.

"Raemundo!" She heard the unmistakeable sound of her friend Chop. Rae looked up from her thoughts and smiled broadly. Walking toward them she laughed at the sight. Izzy was already a small girl to begin with and now with her expanding tummy she had no where to go but out.

Chop was very protective of his pregnant wife. He watched over her like a hawk and from the few times she had seen him around their boys he was a great father as well. It killed Rae that she hadn't been there for their wedding. Izzy had just found out she was pregnant and they decided to have a last minute wedding before she got too far along. Rae had been in Canada at the time promoting her first book and was unable to attend. Sometimes she felt like a shit friend.

When they finally made it over to her table Chop wrapped his arms around her and gave her a long hug and a smacking kiss on the forehead. Rae then gave Izzy and tender hug and rubbed her friends round belly. "'ello baby Cora." She said. They were having a girl at the end of the summer.

"She needs ta get outta there, driving me crazy." Izzy said as she took a seat. "My feet are killin' me, and this heat...I'm gonna die!" Rae sympathized with her friend. All of Europe was currently going through a heat wave and it was unbearable to be outside most days.

"Don't rush her! We need her ta have all her toes and feet properly developed first." Chop said as him and Rae took a seat and a passing waiter handed Chop and Rae a glass of champagne and Izzy asked for a bottle of water.

"Yea well at least when I had the boys it was a bit cooler out. I'm uncomfortable, and hot all the bloody time. And every five minutes I have ta run to the loo." Rae reached out and gave her a slight hug. She had never really expressed this to people but she did want to know what it was like to be pregnant and be someones mum. But she was so fucked up she couldn't imagine bringing an innocent baby into the world to take care of and love when she couldn't even take care of herself.

They spent the next several minutes talking about the boys and how Chops career was taking off. He had opened two new car garages and was now a proper business man. Rae was so proud of her friend who hadn't even gone on to sixth form.

"Oh look, its Finn!" Izzy said excitedly. She waved her hand in the air to get his attention and Rae didn't even want to look over at him. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her hands sweating. Suddenly she felt like she was sixteen again and felt those butterflies that were all too familiar. Rae wanted to talk to him and even if she couldn't be his girlfriend she at least wanted to be friends. Yet they haven't spoken in so long it was now awkward.

Taking a deep breath she finally looked up just as he was making his way to their table. Jesus fucking Christ, Rae thought, he looks even more fucking amazing then she remembered. If it was even possible. He was wearing black slacks, a button down white shirt with a black tie and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His sunglasses were rested on his head and he looked super fit and cool, like he just walked out of a magazine.

"Hey." He said with a smile to Chop and Izzy. He reached down and shook Chops hand and then crouched down and gave Izzy a hug and placed his hand on her belly. "Hows she doing?" He asked up at her. Is he trying to make my heart explode, Rae thinks as she takes another drink from her wine glass.

"Hanging in there. I swear I think the boys might have been easier then her. I think she might be trouble." Izzy giggles.

"Nah, I think Izzy here is having a mental lapse, cuz I remember her when she was pregnant with the boys and it was not a cake walk." Chop says jokingly. "Well ya remember Finn, thought we were gonna have to grease the door frames to get her inside the house." Chop laughs at his joke and Izzy glared at him until her husband blew her a kiss.

Finn smiles at Izzy and Chop and stands back up and finally his eyes go to her. Rae tries to remember to breathe and to act normal. And to remember Finn was no longer your boyfriend, she had to keep that one in mind. You are no longer shagging him, kissing him or even so much as talking to him on the regular. Your not even his friend anymore. Don't get attached.

"Hey Rae. Long time. How ya been?" He asks casually.

"Chop, dear, can you help me up I need to go to the loo. And that waiter never brought me my water and I'm dying of thirst over here." Izzy says to her husband. Rae thinks its sweet that her friends feel that her and Finn should have some alone time but really that was far from what she wanted. She shouldn't be left alone with him because she had this horrible habit of saying things before thinking. And what if she said something along the line of 'I miss ya, and I think about you daily and I dream about being with you again, and you've fucked up all the other men that have come into my life. Because no one compares to you in my mind because I've tried getting over you and I just can't.' Something like that.

She waited until her friends were gone to finally answer his question. He took the seat Chop just vacated and looked at her. "I've been good. Just trying to get my next book publish before my editor ties me down to my chair."

He half smiled at her and looked down at his hands, clearing his throat. This isn't awkward she thinks. And she doesn't even have any more wine to drink. How sad. "How are you? Hows the station going?" Finn worked as a popular DJ at the local radio station He was a bit of a home town celebrity in Lincolnshire.

They had started working there together during the summer before Uni. He worked picking out the songs and she as a copy writer. She then went off to Hull University and Finn went off to Uni at Manchester. If she knew where her insecurities came from, it was around that summer.

"S'alright." He said with a shrug. Another awkward silence fell between them, and finally he looked up at her. "Look Rae, we need to talk."

"Yeah."

"Its real shit what happened, but whatever it is what it is. You know I'm no good with saying things, so I'll try not to muck this up. I miss ya, I miss my friend. I don't like not talking ta ya. Your sound and I want—I want to be able to have my friend back, if thats not too much ta ask of ya." He looked at his hands and back up at her.

"I miss you too." Rae finally answered. She didn't know if she should be happy or not. On one hand she was so happy that he wanted her back into his life and that he missed her, but on the other it was only as his friend. She would take whatever he gave her.

"Oh really now?" He says with a bit of a smile on his face. Rae giggled at him. She wanted to say so much more. Like how she wanted to be his girl again. How much she loved him. She missed his kisses, and the sweet voicemails he would leave her after what he knew was a rough day. He had to still love her the way she loved him.

"Yes really. Finn, about last time we saw each other..." He cut her off before she could finish.

"I wanted ta say sorry about that Rae. I've felt horrible about that for such a long time. That was really a dick thing for me to do that ta ya."

"Well you didn't do anything. I was drinking, and..I don't know what I thought was going to be the outcome of that." Rae looked down at her lap, knowing full well she had been hoping for a reconciliation.

"Right. Well either way Im sorry." He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "I need ta know Rae, why? Why did ya break up with me?"

She knew they were going to have to have this conversation some time. She took a deep breath and looked at him in the eyes. Rae wanted him to see how much pain it had caused her. "I was a proper idiot. I was in a bad place, Finn..."

"I would've been there for ya, Rae. I wanted to be there for ya. It nearly killed me when you decided you didn't love me enough to let me be there for you and help ya." His eyes, those eyes she loved looking into, looked so sad.

"Oh Finn, its not like that at all..." Rae squeezed his hand and found she was the one having a hard time finding the right words to express what she was feeling right now.

"At least ya had Archie..." His voice trailed off and he took his hand away from her and sat back in his chair.

"I don't..I mean.. do ya think me and Archie?" She was confused. Did Finn think her and Archie were a thing?

Before he could answer Chloe and Patrick made there way to their table. "Rachel Earl you give me a hug you stranger!" Patrick boomed. He wasn't quite like his younger brother, much the opposite in fact. Him and Chloe were perfect for one another.

Rae stood with a forced smile and gave Patrick a big hug. She wished they would go away and leave her and Finn alone. They were finally getting somewhere and of course someone would have to walk over and interrupt them. "Look at ya! Your defiantly my favorite out of Finns long list of girlfriends." Patrick said with a laugh.

Am I suppose to laugh at that? Rae thinks bitterly. Rachel Earl, get over him. Its been four years and hes clearly not had any trouble moving on. Chloe gave her soon to be husband a good whack in on the shoulder. "Rae you look smashing!" Chloe says.

Rae looks at her friend and smiles. Of course no one could come close to looking as great as Chloe did. Since it was so hot she was wearing a pale pink baby doll dress with a sweet heart neck line and the hem reached about mid thigh. She looked tan and thin and amazing. Her blonde hair (she had decided she liked having it blonde and had slowly gone blonder over the years) was pulled up in a very cute messy bun.

"Thanks Chloe. You look like the very blushing bride." Rae had only been able to talk to Chloe briefly earlier today since she was the bride she was busy talking with everyone.

Patrick sat next to his brother and waved down a passing waiter and took the whole tray of champagne glasses. "I think we can all use a drink." he said with a wink to his brother. Finn huffed and took a wine glass and swallowed all of his drink at once.

Rae turned to look at Chloe and her friend shrugged her shoulders and gave her the look. It was the look Rae knew all too well. It was the 'Im sorry, but what can you do' look. It was the look Rae was given every time they had gone out and all the boys seemed to flock to Chloe and Rae was left as chop liver.

"Hows things going with Abby?" Rae heard Patrick ask Finn as she and Chloe took a seat at the table.

Oh please let that be the name of his dog. Or someone he works with thats married and like 80. Finn cleared his throat before answering. "She's alright. At her mums. Her grandfather is doing so well. The heats really getting ta him, and since he refuses to by an air conditioner." He tugged at his ear, and Rae knew he was uncomfortable. He always messed with his ear when he was uncomfortable.

Under the table Chloe took hold of Rae's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Wheres Archie? I haven't seen him at all. Been a crazy day." Chloe asks her.

"Um, I'm not sure. I think Chop got a hold of him somewhere." Rae didn't want to talk about Archie. She didn't want to talk to anyone really. Only Finn. She decided she was going to get him alone some time tonight and tell him everything.

"Ah! Archie." Patrick booms with a laugh. "Now tell me again, because I've seem to loose track of all your mates, Finn. Which one is he?"

"He doesn't live in Lincolnshire. He lives in London with Rae. You might have meet him before he moved a few times. But you were at Uni.." Chloe explains to her somewhat inebriated fiance.

"With you, you little vixen." Patrick laughs. "Oi! The kid with the horned rimmed glasses! Yes I know him." He smiles and seems to be happy that he has remembered who Archie was. Rae wishes she could just get up and leave. Or that they could leave. She wished anything could happen other then them sitting here talking about Archie. "So are you two a thing?"

"Yea. Looks that way." Finn says as he takes another glass of wine and gets up and leave the table.

Hope you guys liked this! I kinda rushed the ending a bit, but I'm building up for the next chapter, which I think you guys will like. I love it. So PLEASE review and let me know what you think. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_A/N: Hiya guys! So sorry about the late update. I seriously re wrote this chapter three times. But look at it this way, what I was going to make the third chapter is now going to be the fourth and fifth chapters and I decided I wanted to get Finn's POV in the mix before I jump in and post whats going to be the little arc I have coming. Hope you like._

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Finn walked over to the bar and asked the bar tender for whatever was on the tap, needed something a bit stronger then the champagne being served. He had just given his toast to his brother and soon to be sister in law, and after all the applause and good humor jokes by Pats university friends Finn had made a bee line to the bar. Every one else was eating their food but he wasn't in the mood to eat.

The bar tender handed him the glass and Finn downed most of the drink in one gulp. He hadn't thought seeing her would make him this on edge yet he was wrong. He had thought enough years had gone by that they could be friends. Boy was he a idiot.

Finn looked behind his shoulder and could see that Rae and Archie were both sitting at a table close to the bride to be and her soon to be husband and his family. Chop and Izzy were seated with them and poor Izzy kept moving around in her seat trying to get comfortable. The first thing he noticed about Rae was how beautiful she looked. Her dark black hair was down and pushed back with a gold headband and she was wearing very little make up. She was wearing a red dress thar hugged her body and he tried not to stare too much. Her skin was tan and it looked like she was glowing. God, he missed her.

But Finn had to face reality. She had broken up with him four years ago and was no longer his girlfriend. He had spent so many hours, days, weeks thinking about why she had broken up with him and finally he got it. She needed help. He knew it and so did everyone else. He just wanted to be there and let her know that she didn't have to go alone in her struggles. He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her whenever she was down and let her know that he loved her and would never stop loving her. Finn had thought that they would fight her demons together.

Instead she had cut off all ties with him, and turned to Archie. He wasn't allowed to visit her and whenever he would call looking for her she would hang up to the point the last time he called a nurse had kindly asked him to stop calling her. Finn could still hear the woman's voice as she told him 'if you care for her, don't call. It only upsets her." If he cared for her! He nearly threw the phone receiver out the window when he heard that. After that he stopped calling, stopped trying to visit and stopped writing. He assumed she was either not getting his letters or wasn't even bothering to read them before they went in the trash.

It nearly crippled him when he wasn't able to talk or see her. He went to Chloe and tried to have her reason with Rae, he just wanted her to know he cared for her and that he wanted to support her. He loved her no matter what. Chloe and Izzy were no help, only telling him that she was going through a lot and to give her some time. She'll come around eventually they reassured him.

And then there was Archie. Him and Archie had grown close when they went off to the University of Manchester together. They had roomed together and had also gotten a job together at a local bar. He considered Archie his best mate. Archie had sworn him and Rae weren't dating and he was just trying to help her in her time of need. Which gutted Finn because thats all he wanted was to help her. Then they moved to London together in 2003 and he had to be a fool not to think that they weren't an item.

"Want another one?" The bartender asked, bringing Finn out of his thoughts. Finn nodded his head and the bartender poured him another drink.

"Just going to drink all night, son?" Finn felt a hand on his back and his father standing behind him. His father took the empty seat next to him and turned down the bartenders requested for something for him to drink.

"Thinkin' about it." Finn said. "Did mum send ya over?"

"Yea, shes a bit concerned. As am I." When Finn didn't reply his father asked him how Abby was doing. That made Finn remember that this was no longer 2002 and that he couldn't sit here and get mad at Rae for dating Archie when he had his own flat with Abby. Sure she didn't technically live with him but she stayed over so often they might as well live together.

"She's not doing so well. Her grandfather is sick so she couldn't make it. Not sure how many days he has left." His father, Joe, nodded in understanding. Finn could remember when his nan had passed on and it had crushed him. Abby was close with her grandfather.

"So, Im going to assume you sitting here at the bar all alone while everyone else is enjoying food has something to do with Rae?" His father was never one to beat around the bush and the only other person that could read him as if he was an open book.

He cleared his throat and looked down at his hands. "I don't know what ta do, Dad. I've moved on, I thought. I've got Abby. I was happy a few weeks ago with my life. But then I see her..." He let his voice trail off, unsure how to turn his thoughts into words.

"Do you love Abby?" His father asks him.

Finn wasn't sure what to say to that. He cared for Abby and never wanted to hurt her. They had started dating right after he had broken up with Ellie. He had just gotten a job at the local radio station and she worked in the human resources department. They had taken things slow as she was going through a nasty divorce. She was cute, and was always good for a laugh. She liked to cook and he would jokingly tell her that she was trying to make him fat. She had recently started staying over more and more and when Patrick had proposed to Chloe his mother had mentioned, in front of Abby, when they were going to marry. They had only been dating for three years he would say.

"Its different. Its like its two different kinds of love." Finn had dated other girls besides Abby and Rae but they were the two serious ones he had dated. "Like with Rae. It was so...it was like I knew her and she knew me. But we were kids then.." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't think just because you guys started dating while you were teenagers means that you can brush off those feelings you two had for one another."

"I love Abby, but its different. Its more like...I love her but I'm not sure if I'm in love with her?" he turned to look his father in the eyes. Someone must have said something funny because the whole crowd of people burst into laughter. "What do I do? I mean I don't wanna throw what me and her have...but..." He buried his head in his hands. It hurt to think.

"I think, Finn, you need to come to terms with how everything with you and Rae ended. What happened happened and you can't turn the clock back and change things. So you need to figure out where you stand with Rae and think of the future." Finn knew what his father was saying was right. He spent so much time rehashing how everything happened with him and Rae that it was time to move on. He cared for Abby and he wasn't about to ruin their relationship over something that happened four years ago.

Finn claps his hand on his father back and turned to look at where Rae was sitting. Izzy was leaning in (as much as her round belly would let her) and whispering in her ear. Rae turned and laughed at what was being said and Finn couldn't help but notice how happy she looked. The Rae he had fallen in love with. It was all he ever wanted for her, was for her to be happy and okay. He couldn't help but think of the Christmas eve where she had drukenly told him she loved him.

**December 24, 2002**

Finn watched as Chloe assisted Rae to her car. He could see that she was crying and Chloe was saying something to her friend that Finn couldn't make out. He wanted to go down the steps and make sure she was okay but Ellie held onto his arm and was saying something but Finn wasn't listening. His thoughts were on Rae.

He watched as Chloe drove off with a clearly upset Rae and all Finn wanted to do was kick his own ass. He didn't know Rae was back in Lincolnshire and he certainly didn't know she was going to be stopping at his house. And she told him she loved him. She loved him! He felt giddy at the prospect of him and Rae getting back together.

"FINN!" Ellie yelled, bringing his attention back to her and pulling him out of his thoughts. Him and Ellie had only been dating for three months and she was a good laugh. Just not right now.

"What?" He asked slightly annoyed.

"Who the fuck was that? And why was she here tellin' ya she loved ya?" She placed her hands on her hips and glared up at him.

"An old friend I haven't seen in a while." Was all he said as he walked back into the house. Ellie followed sulkingly. "I think ya should head out." He said quietly to his girlfriend although his thoughts remained on his ex girlfriend.

"What!?" She all but yelled.

"Ya gonna wake up my parents." He said. Finn walked over to the closet and grabbed her coat and handed it to her.

"So, what? You just want me ta leave after an 'old friend' just drops on by and tells ya she loves ya? Then barfs all over ya lawn?" Ellie snatched the coat from Finn's hands and dug in the pockets looking for her car keys. "Don't tell me she's just a friend. Don't tell me ya dated her?"

Finn rubbed the back of his neck but didn't deny it. There was no point in lying to her. Plus he just didn't care enough to try and consul her. He had more pressing things to attend to.

"Her!? You and her?" Ellie laughed without humor. "So, your tellin' me that you dated her? And I'm going to make a guess and say ya still have feelings for her?" She didn't wait for him to answer. "How...I mean...shes so dopey lookin' and fat...and.." before she could finish Finn walked over to the door and opened it.

"I think its time for you to piss off." he said as kindly as he could, which wasn't very kind. "And don't ever come back." He waited until she finally walked out saying something under her breath that he didn't bother or care to listen to. When she finally left he shut the door and locked it.

Finn walked up to his room and thought about calling Rae's house phone but he looked at the time and thought her mum and Karim might be sleeping and he didn't want to disrupt them. Then he thought they might not even be home. So he took his mobile out and dialed Chloe's number. He knew Rae was with her.

After several tries Chloe finally picked up with a not so pleasant " 'ello?"

"Hey, Chloe its Finn. Is Rae there? I really need ta talk ta her."

"She's asleep, Finn. I don't really want to wake her."

"Chloe, please. I just...I need.. is she okay? Is she feelin' ok?"

Finn could hear Chloe exhaled deeply. "No she isn't alright. But she'll be okay. She's strong. I'll tell her ya called." Then she hung up. Finn looked down at his mobile and his stomach clenched in worry.

He would wait until after Christmas, give her some time with her family, then he would go see her. He had to work things out.

**Present day**

"Rae?" She turned around and looked up at him and he smiled down at her. "Can I talk ta ya? In private?" Finn asked her. She nodded her head and they both made their way out to the patio deck without saying a word. Finn was a bit nervous and he had to keep going over in his head what he wanted to say to her.

"How ya doing?" Rae asked as they made their way to small pond that was quiet and no one was around. It was nice and the heat had finally cooled down a bit and there was a slight breeze.

"I'm alright. Just, thinking. How are ya doing?" He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and turned to look at her. She looked beautiful as the soft white christmas lights that were wrapped around the nearby trees casted a glow on her face.

"I'm good. Chloe's keeping me busy with the wedding stuff." She laughed.

He cleared his throat and decided he just had to spit it out. "Rae, I see how happy ya are. And I'm too. I know things didn't end so well between us but, I thought we could finally talk about it. We've kinda been on two very different wave lengths."

Rae nodded in agreement. When he didn't say anything she went first. "I'm so sorry, about everything Finn. I was just going through so much and I didn't want ta bring ya down. I thought ya deserved better."

"Thats a bunch of crap. Thats all I wanted was ta be there for ya. I..." he choked but knew he had to say it. "I loved ya."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say, Finn. I was a mess..I just. I fucked everything up." She looked down at her mobile and looked so sad. He didn't want to see her look so sad.

"No, ya didn't. I mean we can still be friends." Even though Finn hadn't talked to Archie or Rae in about three years he could see they were both happy. They were both happy and so was he.

"Friends?" She asked quietly.

"Well I mean, I have Abby now and you have Archie..."

"Finn let me explain..." Rae cut him off. But he returned the favor.

"Rae ya don't have ta explain anything ta me. I mean I've come to terms with it..and I'm happy for the both of ya. And I'm happy with Abby. But I miss ya, and I miss Archie."

"I'm...I miss you too. So, your over me? I mean...you-" Rae couldn't look him in the eye and Finn had a hard time trying to figure out what she was feeling.

"I've moved on." He was going to add that he knew she had moved on too but it was a bit redundant considering she has been living with Archie for about three years now.

"Well then. I'm glad." She cleared her throat and started to take a few steps back. Finn wanted to continue talking but she was making a quick bee line towards the door. "I'm sure I'll be seein' ya..with me being the maid of honor and you a-and Pat.." She almost tripped over a rock but steadied herself before she fall. He wasn't sure what was wrong with her but before he could ask Rae turned and basically ran towards the door.

Finn watched as she left, already missing her.

Rae didn't bother to say her good byes before she rushed to her car. By the time she reached her car she didn't even bother to hold back her tears. He had moved on. He was happy with this 'Abby' and didn't love her anymore.

Rae hugged her steering wheel and sobbed uncontrollably.

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I hope you guys like this...Reviews always welcomed. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

A/N: Okay, firstly sorry about the long wait. This has been a very stressful few weeks. Anyways thank you guys so so much for reviewing and favoring and following. The next few chapters I'm going to start off in 1997 and go all the way through their college years and you guys can see why they broke up and stuffs. I hope you like it!

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**24****th**** of December 1996**

Rae snuggled under the blanket and tried not to wake Finn who was sound asleep next to her. They were sleeping in her small twin sized bed and it was a tight, but not in a bad way, fit. Her head was rested on his arm and she tried not to put her whole weight on his body because she was a bit worried she'd crush him.

Christmas music played softly from the radio and her room was adorned with Christmas lights that Izzy helped her set up. It was cozy and she never wanted this moment to end. She hoped she wasn't breathing too heavy (as fatties like herself tended to breathe heavy even at rest) because she didn't want him to wake up because then he would be on his way back home. She had snuck him into the house when her mum and Karim had went to their bedroom so she could give him his gift (wink wink, barf) and Rae knew he'd have to get home before dawn.

She still couldn't get over the fact that Finn wanted to date her! She sometimes still was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to tell her that he hadn't meant what he said and no longer wanted to date her. Even his eyebrows were hotter then her so add that to his amazing smile and fit body and she looked like an uncooked sake of potatoes.

And everyone at school had noticed as well. Rae hadn't told anyone, either it be from embarrassment or the fact that she knew it was true, but she had heard two twats at school talk about how it must be a dare that he was dating her. "Not only is she fat and ugly, but she dresses like a hobo and lives in a council house. Please tell me what he sees in her." That twat Becky had laughed with her other twatish friend Heather.

Rae had hid in the bathroom stall for the remainder of the lunch break, trying not to cry. She did cry a bit but then anger soon sunk in. Who were they to say that when they didn't even know her! Then sadness crept in because they only said what she thought to herself daily. She was fat and ugly and it wasn't her fault cute clothes weren't made for her size! And she couldn't help the fact her mum didn't make enough money and decided to marry a guy for his looks instead of a guy with money like Chloe's mum did.

"Whatdya thinkin' about." Finns soft voice asked her, bringing her out of her thoughts. Rae looked up at him and saw that he was looking down at her with a smile on his face. Fuck. He was stunning.

"Why someone like ya decided to date the blob." Before she could even finish her sentence Finn had reached his other arm around and gave her a slight pinch on her hip. "Oi!" She said, but it didn't really hurt.

This had long been a topic, or rather argument, between the two of them. Finn hated it when she talked down about herself but really she wasn't being negative she was only being honest. "What did I say? Last time you said something so full of shit like that again?" He said with a bit of humor in his voice. He tried to make light of the situation and it was one of the many things she loved about him.

"I can't remember." Rae said through giggles as she pulled the covers to cover up her face with only her eyes showing.

Finn propped himself up and leaned over her. His hands slowly creeped up under the covers and Rae bit her bottom lip from laughing and getting too loud so her mum wouldn't know her boyfriend was here. "I said ta ya last time you said bunch of bullocks like what ya just said, that I was gonna have ta pinch ya. Everywhere." His hand rested on her hip and Rae tried to suck in as much of her fat as she could. He gave her a slight pinch and she yelped.

Finn continued to pinch her and added a few kisses on her face and shoulder. Rae thrashed around a bit and bit her hand so much of her laughter was concealed. "Alright! Alright! I've learned my lesson...this time." Rae laughed as Finn stopped pinching her leg and hip. She fucking loved it when he touched her. She wished she could let him touch her body more without flinching away from him.

"Ya better." Finn gave her a soft gentle kiss on her lips and looked at the digital clock on her stand next to her bed. "I have ta get going. But I think I forgot to give ya yer gift." He climbed over top of her, and Rae sucked in her breath again and prayed it didn't make him seem like he was climbing a mountain, and he walked to his bag on the floor.

"Finn I thought we were doin' home made gifts. I only made ya a crap mixed tape." She said as she pushed herself up into an upright position.

"Not crap!" He says taking out a box. Her stomach cramped just anticipating the gift he got her. Finn sat on the edge of the bed and handed her the flat box. He cleared his throat and looked at the floor and Rae could feel the love she had for him gushing through her. He wasn't very good at expressing his feelings and showing affection but he tried. And she loved him for it.

Rae took the box and unwrapped the Christmas paper. She looked at Finn and his eyes were finally on her. Rae opened the box and let out a small gasp. It was a silver necklace with a single diamond studded star. "Ya like it?" He asks quietly.

"I love it." Rae says. Finn takes the necklace out of the box and leans in to put it on her. She lifts her hair and he claps the necklace. He places a soft kiss on her check and pulls away.

"Im glad ya like it. Had my mum help me pick it out." He shrugs when Rae laughs and she knows his face is probably turning a bit pink without having to see it. She watched him as he packed up his things and gave her a few more kisses and he tried not to make too much noise. But Rae knew her mum was probably already asleep.

She walked him down the stair to the front door. Before he left he took her hand and kissed the palm three times. It was their way of saying 'I love you' without saying it. Rae kissed his check three times and finally Finn made his way to his dads car. She wished this feeling, this moment, would never end.

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**Saturday, 23****th**** of August 1997 **

Chloe nearly spit up her beer and placed her hand on her mouth and looked at Rae as if she had grown a second head. "Whatdya mean, ya two haven't had sex?" Chloe looked at Izzy and their red headed friend shrugged her shoulders, a bit indifferent. "Ya been datin' him for a year now!"

Rae glared at her friend but knew she was only saying the truth. Rae thought of it nearly ever second and now that Finn was going off to Uni she knew she'd have to sleep with him sooner or later. "Well, we just haven't gotten around ta it yet." Which was a lie.

Chloe leaned in and whispered "has he even touched ya?"

"Yes! Hes fingered me loads of times." Rae said and felt as if she should add "and I've even him a hand job. Twice." Izzy nodded her head but Chloe didn't look impressed.

"And why not? Why haven't ya jump his bones yet? He's super fit and handsome."

Rae shrugged and took a drink of her beer. She was glad it was just the girls sitting with her as the boys had gone off to play a bit of football. "Dunno. He wants ta. But every time he tries ta take off my shirt I freak. What if he looks at my naked body and gets so disgusted that he can't date me anymore?" This was a real worry that Rae thought about frequently.

"Clothes don't hid that much, Rae." Chloe says and Rae has to remind herself that Chloe probably thought she was being helpful.

"And he loves you." Izzy adds.

"Ya better do it now, Rae. I mean hes leaving for Uni soon and then you'll only get to see him a handful of times. And I don't wanna be mean Rae, but long distance relationships hardly ever work." Chloe places her hand on Rae's and gives her an small smile thats suppose to be supportive. But she knew Chloe was right.

It plagued her every thought, Finn going off to Uni and forgetting about her. Him finding a a much better looking girl and forgetting all about her here in Lincolnshire. Rae could see the girl in her mind now, she was tall but still managing to be shorter then Finn. (If Rae didn't wear heels then she was the same height as Finn or a slight hair taller. So not only was she fatter then him but she was also taller, she could see why she was such a catch. NOT.) She would have long brown hair that looked like the kind of hair you see in the shampoo commercial. With Blue eyes and the most important thing of all, she'd be skinny. He'd fall for her the moment he laid eyes on her.

Rae finished her beer and the topic moved off of her and her sex life and she soon left the bar and headed to the corner store before heading home.

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Rae looked at herself in the mirror then looked away. Her nerves were getting the better of her but she was so nervous she couldn't think straight. Her mum and Karim had gone off on a holiday weekend so that meant that she could have the house to herself for three days and she knew what she wanted, or had, to do.

She heard a knock on her door and with one final deep breath she walked downstairs to let her boyfriend in. Finn smiled sweetly at her and gave her a quick kiss before stepping inside. "Hiya. Ya look nice." he says and Rae blushes. She still couldn't get over the fact that he, Finn fucking Nelson, thought she looked nice. He would say it to her several times a week.

It had been a week since Rae had told Chloe and Izzy about not having sex with Finn and when she had told her friends about her mum being gone they all but made Rae go shopping so they could buy her something to wear. They all knew it was time for her to have sex with her boyfriend. Today she was wearing a just a light purple shirt that had a slight shimmer to it over a pair of black leggings. Chloe had came over early that morning and straightened her hair and did her makeup. Although after Chloe left she had washed off most the the make up and redone it so she didn't look like she was trying too hard.

"Wanna head up to my room?"

"Yea sure." Rae had yet to tell him that she wanted to go all the way but she figured it was best they be in her room when she finally told him. "Ya got a hot date tonight?" he asks as they walk up the steps.

"Yea, don't tell my boyfriend." Rae says and Finn laughs as he gives her a slight pinch on the bak of her leg.

They spend the next hour or so drinking beer had brought over and listening to some of her tapes. Its what they usually did when he came over. Somehow they managed to lay on her bed with her head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around her. "Finn?" She says.

"Yea."

"I—I think Im ready." She doesn't look up at him and Rae can feel her face turning red.

"For what?" He asks. She didn't think she'd have to spell it out for him, but she guessed after a year of continually telling him she wasn't ready that he wouldn't know what she meant.

Rae leans up and kisses him. It was a slow kiss, at first. But she didn't pull away when he placed his hands on her waist (although she did try to suck in as much as humanly possible) and their kiss turned more fervent. Finn places his other hand on her face and he slowly pushed her lips open with his tongue and ran it around hers. His kisses grew more deep and Rae let out a small moan.

Finn pulled back and Rae opened her eyes to look at him. He has that look in his eyes that he gets right before she tells him she isn't ready. Rae has never been with someone before so she was assuming it was desire. "Are ya sure, Rae? I don't want to so anything your not ready for." His hands still on her face and he gives it a small squeeze.

"Im sure." Was all she said. She didn't want to say anymore then that, or even think about it too much. She had to just do it. I mean who had a bloke as fit and handsome as Finn and not sleep with him? Rae asked herself. Finn smile at her and gave her a quick kiss before maneuvering her so that she was laying on her back and he was on top of her.

Finn kissed her just as he had before, his hands running up and down her body. His lips moved from her lips to her check to her neck and he kissed her quickly. His hands move from her waist to her breasts and he stops kissing her and focuses all of his attention on her breast. Rae can fill her embarrassment ebbing as she just never wanted him to stop kissing and touching her.

With his help he took off her shirt and Rae looked him in the eyes. This was momentous for her, sitting here in nothing but a bra and leggings and having all of herself exposed. She tried covering herself with her arms but Finn took her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze. "I love ya. You're beautiful." And all of her negative thoughts vanished when his lowered his head and lightly bit her breast. He reached in and cupped her breast and rubbed her nipple, giving it a slight tug.

Finn lowered his head and sucked her nipple through the silk of her bra (her fanciest one) and Rae threw her head back and moaned with pleasure. His hands roamed her body and they found their way to her wet center. He cupped her mound through her leggings and slowly started to move his hands back and forth, kneading her senseless. Rae cried out as his mouth went to her other nipple and his hand became quicker. Just as she could feel herself ready for an orgasm he stopped touching her and moved off the bed.

Rae's head snapped up and she was ready to have a right fit when she saw that he was taking off his shirt and unbuttoning his pants. She would help him but was too preoccupied with staring at him to be much of any help. He had a body of a god and Rae scanned him from head to toe. He was standing in front of her with nothing but his white boxers that show cased his nice tan and his erection was on full display.

Before she had any time to think he walked over and started taking off her leggins. Rae was silently grateful she hadn't turned on the lights but the sun was setting so the room wasn't completely dark. "Yer so beautiful, Rae." He says and he pulls of her leggings and throws them aside. Before she has time to reply he says cheekily, "let me make ya feel good." And be bends down, pushing her legs apart and places his mouth on her most private lady part.

Rae leans back and a deep mouth escapes her mouth. His lips move with extreme care and gentleness and he kisses her over her knickers. He slightly nibbles her making her scream and placing her hands over her mouth to cover the sounds (her bedroom window is open!) of her pleasure. Soon her blue knickers are wet from his mouth and her arousal and he stops only briefly to take them off.

'Oh God, I hope I don't smell. I hope he doesn't get repulsed if I do smell.' she thinks but thinking is gone when he lowers his head and kisses her mound again. His tongue does things and makes her feels things shes never felt before. Rae runs her hands through his hair and arches her back from the intense pleasure rushing through her. As his tongue works its way around her clit he inserts a finger and starts moving it in and out of her. He starts a rhythm and pretty soon Rae is riding his face and fingers. She can feel the orgasm building. He inserts another finger and and licks and sucks her wet mound until Rae arcs her back sharply and climax's. Its long and deep and Finn doesn't stop fingering her until her orgasm is over.

She opens her eyes a good minute later, deeply satisfied, wanting to return the favor but Finn is already standing, his boxers already off and placing a condom on himself. Hes watching her, his eyes dark and full of arousal. He positions her on the bed and spreads her legs out as far as they'll go. "So beautiful." he mutters as he kisses her breasts and belly and trails down to her thighs and kisses her scars. As hes doing that he inserts two more fingers inside her and continues to finger her and he bits her neck, her face, her lips. He leans over her and kisses her as if he'll die tomorrow.

"Finn!" She cries out, and another orgasm rushes through her. Before she can even finish he removes his fingers and places the head of his penis inside her. She sucks in her breath and looks up at him. "It'll hurt a bit. I'll go slow." She nods and he slowly enters her.

It hurts, but not from pain, not really. It was more of an uncomfortable pain but in a hurt so good way. Finn doesn't break his eye contact with her as he slowly enters her. Rae bites her lip from crying out and tries to move her hips to move him along. With a small smile he pushes himself all they way inside her. She gasps from the fullness of him.

"I'm gonna explode, Rae! Yer driving me insane." He mutters as he lowers his head in the crook of her neck and starts to gently thrust in and out of her. Rae bends her knees and hes trusts become a bit faster. She wraps her arms around his chest and bits his shoulder from crying out in pain and the little discomfort she still felt. He groans her name and after a few more thrusts Finn cries of her name and orgasms. Rae looked up at him, so deeply satisfied she thought she'd die.

Afterwards he laid on top of her, still inside her, his breathing a bit ragged. Rae runs her hands up and down his back, so deeply in love with him she thought her heart would implode.

They fall asleep like that, and Rae didn't know what she would do if she lost him. She was the love of her life.

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**I hope you guys liked it, and sorry my sex stuff wasn't too great...reviews make me happy!**


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